What We Lost in the Fire, We Found in the Ashes
by the laughing redhead
Summary: Post TROS: Rey is convinced that living the rest of her life on Tatooine is the best way to move on... The Force is not so sure Rey/Ben Solo
1. In Which Rey Grives

Luke watched Rey sob into the floor of the Falcon. It was the first time she'd had any privacy since the end of the battle over Exogol. She'd closed the hatch and crumpled to the inside of the old ship. Her dry shaking cries echoing inside the silent space.

The Jedi master Remained quiet and allowed his young protégée to go through the normal process of sorrow. He knew that this time of silence would be intrinsic to giving her the strength for what was coming.

"Does he just not want to see me?"

Luke smiled fondly, despite the girl's anger.

_"Who, Rey?"_ The ghost asked, knowing full well the answer to her spat questions.

"My— well— Ben." She finished, quietly "If I can see you and Leia, why hasn't he come… we have a bond…"

Rey trailed, speaking more than her words. He felt her doubt, and confusion. She had been given a word to explain what the two of them had experienced; one that meant so much. Then very little explanation other than the rending gap in her soul.

Rey felt quickly awkward, knowing who's mother Luke was related to. Probably wondering what they talked about or if they could even share secrets now that they were all "one with the force".

"_It's actually called a _Dyad_, Rey."_

Rey flushed despite the desert sun, and emotion welled up in her. Blinding her.

"That… I don't even know what that means, but I do want to know why I can't see him like I see you."

Luke shrugged, eyes briefly darting to Leia who was being teasingly unhelpful, and not visible to their young apprentice.

_"Ben is… not with us. Currently." _

_"Careful Luke."_ Said the princess of Alderaan. _"There are some things she must do on her own."_

Rey frowned at the paraplast wall of her home on Tatooine, when she calmed herself and turned once again into the room and finding nothing but the desert night.

_It is not your time yet._

* * *

He woke to the sounds of water, waves, and rain. The gentle call of wildlife; not the sterile smell of space and air refreshers. The voice had been so familiar…

Then the voice seemed intensely unimportant in the onslaught of sensation.

For the first couple of moments he couldn't process where he was, or how he was here. A particularly intense wave slapped across his back. Too many stimuli, too much to process.

His last memory was Exogol, the smell of blood, the tension of death…

He sat up suddenly, staring up at the high cliffs. Reaching out gently to the force and finding only a tingling sensation, like a half-remembered song. Several breaths later there was a flash of understanding and the remembrance of how to stand, how a body moves.

Broken leg, cracked ribs, dislocated shoulder, the heavy smell of smoke and fear in the air.

None of the pain had mattered in that moment, nothing else existed except her tiny frame collapsed at the base of the shattered Sith throne. Of course, he hadn't known exactly what bringing her back would do. Obviously, none of the helpful force ghosts constantly floating around would be willing to talk to his First Order; potentially dark self.

It was all so new to him, that he wasn't sure he blamed them at this point. He'd cradled her in his arms and had a flash of inspiration. Then, her healing his wounds on Kef Bir, and old remnants of texts claiming that once the force was used to heal and not just to harm and control. The whole concept was a mad dash in the dark. Nevertheless, in those moments of freshly redeemed soul, saving her was the only destiny that mattered.

Dying had never frightened Kylo Ren, he had lived in a constant heady mix of arrogance and youth which prevented all such fears. He had been burdened with glorious purpose, pure malevolent power poured through his veins; there was never an option for failure.

But Ben Solo, he was weak and terrified in that moment, and Ben _loved_.

Ben wasn't afraid of dying— he was afraid of living without her.


	2. In Which Rey Dreams

_ Be with me_.

Even on Tatooine Rey dreamed of him.

Then again, dreaming of Kylo Ren was not new.

They had discovered to their mutual dismay that the unrelenting bond was always at its most powerful when both she and Ren were asleep. In fact, the deeper the sleep the more intense the shared connection because neither were in enough control to actively prevent it during exhaustion. This had led to several uncomfortable moments for both of them before and after their first Force related encounter and had only gotten worse over the weeks that had followed the death of Luke.

Three nights after the battle on Crait was the first time they both slept deeply. Ren sealed up his "end" of their bond as soon as she had denied him on Snoke's ship. The last thing Rey felt was rage and betrayal, and then a wall of simmering pain.

It was odd to think of their connection as something she missed, and now that it was gone, she found herself occasionally reaching out to see if he might also be lowering those boundaries. Of course, upon realizing that he was in fact just as angry and closed as he had been before, instant shame and regret would cross her mind.

He murdered Han, he'd attacked Luke like a cornered animal. Why did she feel so drawn to him? Why did she care if he lost what small amount of ground he gained while they communicated on Ach-To?

She couldn't claim to understand their connection but Rey had seen _Ben_, the person beneath the facade, beneath the darkness and the anger, and witnessed the boy who had been there before. Before Snoke, Ben Solo was a son, a nephew, a lost prince, a Jedi paradigm. She had felt the loneliness and the broken trust and yet had seen how _beautiful_ he had been and still could be, if he chose the path of redemption.

She had seen a shooting star lighting up the skies only to burn out; he had gone dark to her.

So maybe day after day she reached out for him, and felt slightly less ashamed when she did.

Her bunk on the _Falcon _was small, made for convenience and the potential of crew on the ship. There was a much larger bed in Han's personal quarters, but Rey had never felt overly comfortable with using his quarters as her own no matter how often Chewie told her it's what he would have wanted.

_ Once a Scavenger always one_.

Thinking about him only made it that more frustrating to find nothing where once there had been at least uneasy friendship…

_ You are no one. But not to me…_

Rey sighed, curled into the fetal position and allowed her mind to fade out into the void.

* * *

Safe. Home. Warm.

These were the first things that she was able to process in those brief moments between awake and asleep, even apparently squashed against the inside wall of the bunk.

Her ear tickled; her arm was asleep from being out for so long rolled onto one side. Sleep brain was uncomfortable, flopping slightly to turn her face back toward the welcome slight breeze from the _Falcon's _air unit.

Someone grumbled at her movement. Mentally this ticked some alarms, but she was so tired, and the Force wasn't concerned. The same someone reached a massive arm around her, tucking her more firmly against their side. Blocking her view to the outside, and curling around her like a massive Loth-cat.

Still nothing from the Force. In her minds eye their presence glittered gently like stars. They prodded at her own aura curiously, though equally unconcerned. Circling and encircling; spinning as one.

Sleepy instincts, from years living alone on Jakku propelled her into some sort of movement. Her physical fingers reached into the darkness and finding a wave of soft, thick hair: messy with sleep and strewn around a long angular face. Rey felt more than saw his lips curve in reaction to her calloused fingers tickling curiously up his face.

_ "Ben?"_

Her echoey voice tingled across his senses, little shimmers of laughing sun and flashes of a bright smile.

_ "A dream?" _He asked back, drowsy voice low and unworried. Shifting he grumbled again, his strong hands dragging up her back and resting on her face clumsily. Her body shivered at the closeness; at the comfortable familiarity of his touch.

_ "Do you often dream of me?" _He asked, teasing and soft.

"You don't seem to be so surprised yourself." She grumbled aloud

Startled, Ben opened his physical eyes slowly, a murmur of surprise threading up their connection. She could feel the fuzzy exhaustio of his consciousness.

_ This is new_, He mused, _We usually aren't able to keep up a physical connection in reality_.

He was definitely asleep in his bed on his ship and yet,He could feel her skin pressed against his.

This wasn't a dream.

The most surprising part to Rey how his mere presence pushed aside the feelings of isolation.

"Are you on the _Falcon?"_

She nodded gently, the bond constricted slightly

He tilted his head back, taking in the limited vision she gave him. His energy in the force relaxed, and the conflict that was ever present in his spirit seemed subdued in the heat of their closeness.

"I used to sleep in this bunk as a child." His voice was deep, a murmur and he shared a memory, a lean, serious boy staring up at the stars while a a familiar leather jacket rustled gently. "I wanted to be a pilot… like my father"

Anger roared up their connection searing the haze of sleep like sun to a fog. To her surprise, he didn't pull away physically, but Rey could feel the walls rising.

"Goodbye Ben." And she was alone again.


	3. In Which Poe and Finn Arrive

Finn and Poe watched Rey fidget with her limited cookware. The pilot shook his head in warning when Finn tried to start conversation for the the eighth time since their arrival. Poe laid a gentle restraining hand on the ex-stormtroopers thigh. Finn frowned and shrugged and the pilot winked, clearing his throat.

"So… uh Rey…" Poe braved. "I mean, I'm really loving this pre-war starvation… vibe you got here going for you…"

Rey looked up, still not completely comfortable with sarcasm, brows knit together.

Poe continued undaunted. "You could come visit us… Finn and I, in Takodana, the Resistance, er, Republic… well.. New Republic, they kinda operate out of there like a base until we can get delegates, and a meeting space… Anyway, she lets most of us stay in her castle."

"So you live together."

"No—no no no no no no." Both exclaimed immediately, Poe oddly enough blushed. Rey took it all in, eyebrow quirking, sensing what Poe had yet to express and what Finn had yet to realize.

"But I like it here." She said, after their litany of negatives finally quieted. "It's quiet."

The sandstorm increased, slamming one of the hatches pulled down over the windows. They squinted, and she shrugged

"But we're your family" Finn interjected. Poe nodded, in agreement, hurried, nervous. Rey couldn't help it, she smiled at the word, then remembered. Her hands on his face, his smile. So much possibility.

As quickly as it was there, it was gone, and she placed a plate of steaming meat before them and changed the subject. 

* * *

"So, have you talked to anyone about what you went through on Exogol?"

Rey's head snapped around, Finn slept deeply on the ground near the fire. She had assumed Poe had followed suit, they had both been traveling for weeks before arriving at her little desert stop-off. They'd told her that the only reason was because they had business on Tatooine, but were intensely unable to explain what that business was.

"_Top secret."_ Poe had said, smirking. But now, his eyes glittered with shrewdness that no one ever expected.

"Why would I need to talk?" She said finally.

"Because you— we are not the same people as we were when we met, and I would bet my last credit that _your_ change has something do to with Leia's son."

He waved a lazy hand at her immediate desire to argue, and continued. "The General, you know, she talked to me… a lot. Before she left us. And she may have mentioned your… bond—"

"Did she mention what would happen if it were to break?" Rey asked mournfully.

Poe frowned, "Are you sure that that's possible…" He trailed off, noticing the familiar expression one gets when one is trying to hold back tears long overdue. He remembered the long talks about the General's son, and the girl he was bound to. Leia cared so deeply about the two of them. It would be nothing short of his duty to carry on her task.

"Have _you_ talked to anyone about Finn?" Her interjection made him physically jump, cutting into his introspective heroism and making him glance nervously toward the sleeping figure by the fire.

"What about Finn?" He obfuscated with a whispered hiss. "He knows I used to run spice so…"

Rey pursed her lips and rolled her eyes, offering him another cup of steaming liquid that passed for not quite nourishment and not quite recreational in this force-forsaken sandpit.

"No, I mean, how you feel about him." She shrugged and sat the pot down. "Though, he's rather force-sensitive himself, so you may want to jump on that grenade rather than letting it blow up in your face."

"That doesn't make any sense." Poe retorted, taking a sober sip of his drink, gazing into the small fire. "Rey, I can't. You of all people should know how that would go— especially how he feels about…" He looked to her, then back to the cup. "… You know, about the Force, the Resistance, um…"

"He's _not_ in love with me Poe."

"OF—" He half shouted, caught himself, then shout-whispered. "Of course he is Rey. You're just too naive about him, he would follow you into the Hellhoop itself if you asked, we all would. He doesn't…not about me" He leaned back against the wall, and ran his hands through his curls. "We are just friends."

The fire crackled, Rey felt his conflicted spirit, it was vibrating across the Force like a single long note resounding each time his glance brushed across the sleeping ex-stormtrooper.

"You may have to trust me on this." Rey replied, Finn coughed in his sleep and muttered a name that sounded suspiciously familiar and all further conversation ceased. She worried for the two of them, feeling as though sometimes her resonance with the Force allowed her an invasion of privacy that her friends didn't desire in the slightest. Instead of it being helpful, Rey was left feeling like all of her friends were bleeding out emotionally and she was the only one who could see. She wondered if every Jedi felt like that. Of course, who could she ask?

Alone.

Something trickled across the furthest reaches of her mind, but if a noise was heard over the roaring storms of Tatooine, her heart was too tired to listen. 

* * *

Ben Solo found to his surprise, that living was a great deal more intimidating than giving your life heroically in a blaze of light.

He sat, cross-legged on the stone platform as seabirds screamed nearby and tried to meditate. Tried to remember his training from all those years ago, before it had gotten polluted with the constant sibilant hiss in his head.

His spirit fought and raged, ceasing briefly and finding the tattered remains of peace, then the serenity was gone, ripped apart by memories of the lives he took as Kylo Ren.

But even as he mindlessly made his way through each day he knew something was not quite right.

His new affinity to the light side kept him tense, so he would meditate until he was exhausted, and then sleep until nightmares woke him with screams so hoarse he wouldn't even recognize his own voice. Even in the mundane he remained cautious, for in his deepest forms of meditation he would feel the threads of their bond lengthen and stretch. And the closer he was to her the more real he felt, the more he felt like anything other than a shell.

Ben yearned for her. Despite that, there was no reason to think that she would welcome him or his demons back into her life.

_The kiss. _

Yes, she had initiated it. His face heated at the thought; there had been nothing else in the world except them two. Two children lost in the darkness with no one to hold onto except each other.

_If only._

By his estimate it had been 9 weeks since he woke on the island with no memory of the time between saving her life in front of the Sith throne and waking on this island. He recognized it as the place where his former master had fled during the years of his Dark Side training. But he could find no other form of transportation or any way off the island. A fitting exile for the Jedi Killer.

Even worse, Rey hadn't reached out within their bond even once.

_She thinks you're dead_.

_I _am _dead. _

The ex-sith knew he should leave her in peace to live without the constant shadow of an invincible immutable bond hanging over them.

If he was dead, then this was his hell. He would remain here alone, unable to escape his island prison. Perhaps this paid in a small way for what he had done. And, if this meant that Rey would be happy then that was enough.

He closed his eyes again and began to meditate. 

* * *

It had only taken 3 weeks for them to get into trouble. Finn was honestly amazed it had taken this long for his two favorite people in the world to find themselves in the middle of a firefight.

"Rey! Watch it—" He fired off two shots toward the approaching dark figures streaming over the dunes. "I told both of you that this was a bad idea"

Poe laughed, ducking behind the skiff to flank his co-general, Rey of course was already pushing forward.

"It's her _granddaughter_." Rey called, "She's my only neighbor. I can't just ignore her"

She leaned wide, blaster dropping with eerie accuracy only enhanced by the universe flowing through her. She felt like she hadn't laughed in weeks, and these past few days traveling with them felt as though she might have a chance at life again.

A particularly brazen Jawa heard their banter and saw his chance, chattering a cry and setting off a shot which missed Poe, and clipped Rey's leg. She cried out, more in surprise than fear, hitting the sand heavily, blood smearing her white Jedi robes. Her instincts overrode, chiding herself for the arrogance she had shown when fighting mere Jawas. She turned to let her friends know it wasn't too serious.

Sound faded away, the sound of sand turning to ocean seas, she could smell the undercurrent of sulphur accompanying dormant volcanos. A hulking shadow blotted out the little light amidst the rain and storm. Her eyes couldn't adjust quickly to the extreme differences between climates.

Before she saw him, his presence hit her like a TIE fighter; she couldn't breathe or think. The shadow knelt beside her.

Ben

His large hands checked for serious injury. He wore no gloves; everywhere his skin touched hers she shone. It felt like she had taken a blaster bolt to the stomach so intensely was the bond screaming through every molecule of her being.

This couldn't be a force ghost.

The world slowed down to a crawl, Rey could hear the laser fight raging on Tatooine. Ben followed her gaze, her side of the bond blown wide like a pupil, he could see the dunes and Jawa firing on them. They had paused briefly in their advance distracted by the sensation of the force so densely concentrated before them.

His hand shot up, the other pulling her against his chest and blocking her from the two beams, grunting with pain as the first found its target in his back. Ben's palm wavered, but never fell, facing out toward the final shot his eyes shutting as he turned meditation into practice. 

* * *

Finn saw her fall, and as if in muscle memory went down on a knee to return covering fire. It looked like it had been a glancing blow to the skin above her shins, a lucky shot really after Poe had ducked to avoid it. First priority was making sure that in her moment of surprise after the pain she was covered from any other potentially fatal attacks.

It was always odd to him, the things that pop into your head when you're in the heat of any conflict. He remembered not long ago when Poe had gotten hit with a laser. His vision had shrunk, sightless to anything other than his friend hitting the sterile floor of the ship. Finn's heart clenched painfully at the memory even while his physical body was moving in position toward the fallen Jedi.

He heard Poe call out to her, then a noise of surprise. His head swung around as he felt the change before he saw, the Jawas had broken off their attack to stare and chatter to themselves.

One laser blast, flickering and stopped in the center of the bright sunshine. It was mentally frightening to see something only ever in motion be frozen, building the apprehension Finn felt reflected in the Jawa.

He had only ever seen this one time before.

His eyes flitted to where Rey had fallen, he could sense the rending of the Force. Their combined presence assaulted his perception and made him wince. He was still getting used to the feeling of the Force and even in his rookie understanding he knew this was something beyond just power.

For the barest of seconds he could see two silhouettes, one he recognized by sight, and it struck him with fear to see him so close to a wounded Rey. But the Force presence, it wasn't the same as what he had felt before.

Less than a second later, the second figure was gone. He and Poe took that as an indication to drive the Jawa back into their holes and Rey ignored them, kneeling sightlessly in the sand, her eyes filled with confusion. 

* * *

Their ride back to the Moisture Farm was nearly silent, Rey had said little when they followed the Jawa back to their massive Sandcrawler and taken the kidnapped child back. She'd only claimed that her leg was fine and that she would heal it when they got back.

Poe finally had the nerve to lean over to Finn when he was nearly sure that Rey was asleep and not bleeding out.

"What the hell happened?"

"Why do you think I know?" Finn hissed back, trying to ignore the shivers that were definitely due to the cold and not the pilot whispering in his ear.

Poe shrugged. "You always know things…" He said. "And I was too busy trying not to get shot by wild desert gremlins. So… what did you see? Did you… Feel something?"

Rey sat up and glowered, not exactly at them, just near them. "It was Ben."

"Ren?" The two parroted in shock, nearly wrecking the skiff.

"No. It was Ben Solo."

Their silence turned awkward, nervous at the mention of enemy of the Resistance number one. Poe coughed and raised his finger, "I thought… I thought, you said he died at you know… Exogol when you two," he drew a finger across his throat, before remembering that he was in fact, driving their skiff.

"Killed my grandfather." Rey's voice was toneless, the three didn't keep secrets, well, many secrets. Finn winced.

"Yep. That one."

She turned away. "I thought he died. He… did, saving me."

Poe slowed the skiff slightly, the temperatures had dropped as soon as the suns dipped below the horizon. He offered Finn another jacket in the silence. "Is he one of those spirits you see?"

Rey tilted her head, torn between exhausted and exasperated. "They aren't spirits they're… jedi that have passed before us and become one with the Force. They're able to come and communicate to those they had emotional attachments to during their time of life."

"So, Jedi Ghosts." Finn commented, seeing the moisture farm buildings in the distance, sensing the conversation's emotional health ticking down.

"And since Ren was a Sith, he couldn't be—"

"It wasn't Kylo Ren on Exogol, it was Ben Solo. He came back to the Light, Leia reached him. He chose us."

_Me. _

_Be with me._

"I've got to find him."

Poe nearly crashed the ship.


	4. In which Ben Solo is Found

Ben threw the last piece of one of the tiny huts off the cliff and into the ocean. The island caretakers stared at him with the same kind resigned disappointment that they had so consistently expressed toward him over the weeks since his awakening on their beach.

Yet despite his quiet and solemn moods, every morning he woke to find some sort of fresh food to cook over a fire left on his doorstep. On his first morning they had quietly ushered him toward an empty hut with a non leaky roof, robes folded and gently placed on the cot and a long sturdy piece of driftwood nearly as tall as him. A few days later, comfortable boots and a scarf.

He wondered if they would be so kind if they truly knew what he had been, who he was, but their simple hospitality went more toward gentling his spirit than he realized.

So today, on the 12th rainy day in a row, when he had felt the Dyad string pulse and passed through their connection without thought, protected her, then returned in a dismal cloud of self pity, they said nothing to him. But instead left a small bundle of firewood and freshly caught fish.

The first night after their bond re-awakened, he saw her again. No matter how intensely he tried to focus on closing their link, it remained wide and bared open.

Two souls in one.

Ben looked up and there she was, dark eyes shining with something he was afraid to name, the fire glinting in her hair. She was thinner, more tan, bundled up; back was against the wall.

Rey was observing with similar rapt attention, noticing the length of his hair and the looseness of his clothes, the scarf and his bare feet and bowed head.

"You _are_ real." She said softly, afraid that speaking too loudly would cause him to run away or dissipate like the water vapor she harvested. She didn't move though, sat in a cross legged position and waited. Nervously tapping her calf; the cold nights made her ache.

"Are you alright?" His eyes darted down to the bandages on her leg, reaching out before catching himself.

_Too obvious._ He thought nervously, already annoyed with himself.

She ran her fingers over the carefully wrapped linen and gently nodded, jumping right in to her true intent. "How are you alive?"

It wasn't a question he had an answer for. One moment he was lost in the haze of darkness, knowing that he had fulfilled a purpose perhaps set for him since the moment he was born; the next he was soaked and confused and on the beach of this island. He had been alone and in the eternal night for who knows how long before waking up.

Not quite death, not quite life.

"I… am not sure." Ben admitted quietly, avoiding her gaze still. "I was not for a very long time. And then I woke here. Though I haven't been able to use the force until…"

"Today." She finished, "Where are you?"

He shook his head. "It doesn't matter, I can't leave and I don't have any way of telling you where I am, even if I wanted to. It's better this way—"

During the self deprecation she stood, crossing the small space between them before closing her eyes and gathering the Force around them like a cloak. Then kneeling before him, and reaching out, slowly gathering all she could before reaching forward to touch his knee gently.

_"Show me. Please."_

Her voice echoed through his mind, filling his entire existence with light. He could feel the Force rising around them, seemingly stirred up by their closeness.

_"Show me where you are. Let me find you."_

It wasn't a request, it was a command. Perhaps she was his empress after all.

Rey saw through his eyes the cliffs and oceans, the caretakers, the huts, the Jedi emblem he meditated on and practiced with his staff across every day. She felt his self-loathing, fear and guilt. All of the emotion bound up in memories, a flare of memory, her face. Strange to see one's self in someone else's mind, cold and blueish. Rey felt the anguish, she watched her own eyes open. But before she could pry into that deeper feeling, he caught her hand physically and pushed her gently from his mind.

He softly held onto her hand, just like he had in the moments before leaving her on Exogol.

"Rey." Finally, his voice barely a whisper, "Leave me. Don't come here."

"You can't mean that" She nearly shouted, wrenching her hand from his and stepping back. "You're alive and well and within range of me and you're telling me not to take your hand. Ben—" Her voice broke, and he looked up for the first time since they had connected.

_Please._

They both said.

And the bond slipped.

* * *

Rey Skywalker walked into the outer room where Finn and Poe had been getting something together to eat. She knew they'd been talking about what had happened the night before, putting up a heroic act that they hadn't been listening to what sounded like a one sided conversation going on in her small room.

She braced herself. "I know what you're going to say."

Finn crossed his arms. "You're going to Solo. Aren't you?" He broke in, Poe smirked at her face.

"Oh. Yes." Her mind scrambled at the turn of events. "I'm going to take the Falcon. And I'm going to ask that you not tell the Resistance that he's alive. Not yet."

"We're going with you." Poe spoke for the first time, "I know you two have some sort of connection, and we trust you. I can't claim to understand the Force like you two do, but I do know that I wouldn't want anyone I care about walking into what could be a trap, alone."

She opened her mouth to argue.

"Maz knows we're with you." Said Finn, and she was impressed by their ability to argue with her seamlessly. These months since the Resistance fell have only brought them closer she supposed. "They know we needed a break; some time with family."

That word again, it nearly broke her. With all that had happened between her and the lost Solo, and then the grief and joy of finding him. She didn't deserve the two men standing in her life, smiling at her. Trusting in her. Believing her.

Finn had his hand on Poe's shoulder. He'd leaned over and said something quietly while she had been musing.

"Besides, we rigged the Falcon last night just in case you tried to leave without us"

* * *

Ben stood on the edge of the cliff and forced himself to breathe deeply. Seeing her had shaken him to the core, stirring something that he had not allowed since waking on the beach.

Something bothered him, other than the nagging certainty that her reconnection with him would bring doom on her chances of a normal life. A worrisome something that he hadn't been able to gather information on until he saw her.

His connection to the Force was there, but until she had called out to him in pain, he had been unable to reach for it, unable to grasp it and mold it to his will. It was as though he were a young Padawan still uncertain of the best way of pulling the breath of the universe into his lungs.

Initially he had thought it was something to do with his resurrection. Rising from the dead was somewhat unprecedented in the history of Jedi. But his knowledge of Darth Sidious and the return of Emperor Palpatine was limited. Then it turned to concern over the Sith and Dark Side being the catalyst of his return caused fear and darkness to cloud his spirit.

Since that realization he had refused to use the Force or to seek it out, fear that it would draw them to him yet again like it had as a child. Though in his deepest heart of hearts he wasn't sure if even he tried to use it, anything would happen.

However, when he came to her merely a day cycle ago, he had reached out to the force and it had curled into his hand with the same ease of his youth. Like in years past he was a prodigy; the child of Han and Leia; not quite a prince, not quite a Jedi.

The feeling evaporated when their bond had relaxed, and again he was left to meditate.

Something had changed, their tether was restless.

_Be with me._

* * *

The islands of Ach-To were not something she would have thought she would return to. After her tumultuous time of training and then the momentary lapse in self-faith she had felt after the revelation of her birth the island's natural remote fortress had seemed like the best course of action.

After all it was the ancient home of the Jedi's most sacred texts. A place of deep and dark power, not quite light, not quite dark. Neutral ground to her troubled soul.

_"It's almost as ridiculous as going back to a desert planet to live out your days as a wise and noble hermit after saving the known galaxy."_

She gaped at the form of Luke standing in his way inside the Falcon. He looked rested, amused, fond. If the cheekiness in his voice was any indication, he was at peace.

"Staying on Tatooine is the best option."

_"For whom?"_ He snorted

"Ben is alive." She ignored the question. "I found him."

_"I know."_ He countered. _"Leia told me."_

"How much do you know?"

_"Not much. Just take your time Rey. You can't lock yourself away like I did, there are things coming that you must achieve together, just like it was intended from the beginning. But you must help him back into the light, like he has helped you back from the dark."_

"What does that mean?"

_"In time, you will see. Trust the Force"_

"Rey—" Finn's voice interrupted. "I think we're here."

* * *

He heard the _Falcon_ descending through the clouds, a hulking, familiar metal bird of prey. She looked the same as she always had, when she landed he half expected to see his father, stride down the metal gangplank all swagger and confidence ready to exaggerate his way through another adventure.

The Son of Solo stood high on the cliffs. He wasn't sure what he was expecting, but as soon as she caught sight of him she raced up the worn path practically flying in her excitement, failing to stop before him she bounded forward threw her arms around him.

He hesitated, Rey filled his senses and overwhelmed him, but he fought the doubts that rose their ugly heads and allowed himself to pull her close; bending slightly to tuck his head into her shoulder.

She pulled back first, tilting her head up to take him in, smile blown wide. A smile she'd shown others but never bestowed entirely onto him. She stayed like that for a long time, still unable to process his heart beating; his hands uncertainly shifting in the folds of her robes. Just taking in the moment that was stolen from her on Exogol.

"Hello Ben"

His face went through a series of emotions, as though anything outside of the normal negative, emotions themselves were still so foreign. His name, the last words he'd heard before falling into the darkness of what he assumed was eternity.

"How long?" She asked finally, feeling the awkward nervousness rise in him. He was conscious of the fact that he was meeting his "enemy" outside of a conflict, battle or death. The Force also made both acutely aware of the two very concerned looking pilots trying to act like they weren't watching them so closely through the Falcon's view screen.

"How did you get here?" She asked again, trying to keep her voice casual.

He shrugged, breaking eye contact and pulling back. He felt so exposed here on the rocks, no helmet, distance, or First Order between them.

"42 day cycles since I woke on the beach. Before that… nothing. Just darkness and silence."

She did quick math in her head, he'd woken up on the beach less than a week after their victory at Exogol. During her first time of consistent rest in the aftermath. She'd finally had time to grieve him then, and when she did she had poured out the full sorrow of their bond into the Force.

Ben heard her, her thoughts whirring past him like fightercraft. She wasn't being careful around him anymore, practically an open book for him to read. He looked up to find her tilting her head at him, watching.

Shame.

"I'm sorry," He corrected. "I wasn't… it wasn't on purpose… I haven't really gotten the hang of not—"

"Being my enemy?" She finished for him, still smiling, eyebrows again quirking, unsure.

"REY"

Moment broken by a very flushed looking Poe Dameron, he turned his head to speak to someone unseen (Finn she assumed). She felt Ben tense nervously.

"Yeah?" She called back, working to keep her stance light. As much as she loved the two men in the ship below them she was absolutely unsure of how they were going to react to anything related to Ben Solo.

"Finn says the Resistance asked if we'd drop by a mining colony to check on some reports of leftover slave holdings. He says if we leave now we'd have time to stop off and pick up some supplies."

"You're leaving?" Ben tried to keep the disappointment from his voice, knowing that this had been inevitable. There was no way that she was going to stay, it was just so much harder after seeing her.

She turned back and nodded, "You should get packed—"

"Did you ask if he— Is he packed?" Poe was still watching, shrewdly.

Startled, the taller man ran fingers through his hair. "What?"

She smiled at him, feeling foolish and self-conscious because she couldn't seem to stop smiling. "That's why we came— to come get you. You didn't really think I'd come all the way to you to leave you on Ach-To did you?"

She confidently reached forward, grabbing his hand, trying to further solidify the notion. Seeing as well as feeling the conflict in him. He had no possessions on this island other than the simple clothes he had been given. He was panicking, the guilt, the resistance, his darkness.

_Ben_

And she turned, and held his onto his hand, and descended the cliff with the giant in tow.


	5. In which things Start to get Complicated

"Ben, how old are you?"

Rey nearly always started with his name, doing her very best to solidify that she believed the change. Maybe a part of her was hoping that the more she said it the more he would believe it too. They sat facing each other on the small bunk in the common area. He was by no means a small person, it was crowded, he was hunched forward as though trying to somehow make himself smaller. Rey seemingly hadn't noticed when she sat down next to him.

Even so, he looked slightly worried, Kylo Ren had been arrogant and overly sure of himself, but Ben Solo… well, he wasn't even sure who Ben Solo was anymore.

"I was almost 23 when i stopped following the teaching of the light." He said stiffly, "That was… nearly 8 years past."

"You were so young." She said, stepping across the common room to walk into Han's quarters. "It must have been terrifying."

"Older than you are now." He countered, regarding her sudden exit curiously, catching himself being too eager and leaned back into the bunk. "Yet you saved the Light Side of the force, became a Jedi, finished a revolution. When i was your age i was still considered a moody Padawan."

Rey dug through the surprisingly deep closet; smiling at the mental picture of a younger, less troubled Ben before Palpatine. "Luke has said you were a gifted calligraphist"

"He said that?" Ben felt his ears begin to turn red. That's new. "Luke... Master Luke, he found that oneness with the Force wasn't always enhanced or understood solely in combat. He encouraged those in training to find non-violent pursuits" He trailed off faintly. "Especially the ones that didn't enjoy opening themselves up to their darker tendencies."

An orange and white droid which seemed vaguely familiar rolled past, bleeping what sounded like swear words. Intrigued, he watched it's movement until it disappeared around the corner, still trying to place the thing.

Rey returned from Han's room, carrying a bundle of folded clothes in her hands. She sat too close again, knees knocking against his absurdly long legs. Rey tried to ignore the way he flinched at any physical contact and wondered what his life had been like in the 8 years since his break with the Light.

"I found these," She said. "They seem to be your taste, I think it'll be cold where we're going."  
He stared down at the clothes and realized they were all black. He smiled, chuckling to himself. "They don't have to be black..."

Rey felt herself flush at the sight and sound, it was perhaps the first time she had ever heard him laugh, covering it gently with. "Thank you. You're meant to say thank you. Now, I'm going to go up to talk to Finn and Poe about this _incredibly_ awkward turn of events- For them" She added when he looked at her in concern. "And _while_ i'm up there, you can walk into that cabin, and choose whatever clothes you'd actually prefer... though... Han wasn't as" She gestured to his shoulders. "broad, as you are. So it's a bit more difficult then you'd imagine."

With that she stood, patted his leg and left the room.

* * *

"So what's the plan?" Poe asked, after the silence in the cockpit drug on. "I mean. Currently we have a dead-"

"Resurrected." Finn interrupted

Poe exhaled, and conceded, "Fine, Not-as-dead-as-once-thought, ex-sith-"

"Ennh, he might still be a Sith."

Poe made a face, acquiesced after a moment and continued, again. "Right, Potentially _still_ Sith... guy. Who also happens to be related to one of my closest friends-"

"Who he then murdered-"

"Arguably, it appeared that Leia actually sacrificed herself to bring him back to the light..."

Finn gave him a dirty look. "But Han though."

Poe winced, "Han on the other hand..."

"Still maybe a sacrificial death?"

Both inhaled through their teeth and scrunched their faces.

A blip on their radar, they both checked. It wasn't close enough to tell anything.

Poe continued, knowing that it had to be discussed before the two Force Users in question remembered that other people existed. "I mean..." He finally said "Rey seems to think he's changed."

"He's definitely different." Finn shrugged. "His Force... it's different."

"Oh so you _can_ feel the Force now." Poe knew he sounded petulant, but then again he felt like he was always the one that found out things last.

"Well yeah, it's new."

"Is that what you were gonna tell Rey?"

"When?"

Poe shrugged, a bold attempt at nonchalance, absolutely unconvincing. "You know Pasaana. The sinking fields... your _big_ secret you just _had_ to get out before you died."

"Oh." Another blip, dang radar on old ships.

Poe leaned down and poked a button in annoyance when he looked back up Finn was staring at him, tilting his head like he was trying to listen to something far away. "You thought I was gonna tell her I _loved_ her?"

Poe nodded after a long pause, Finn chuckled and rubbed his face, he sounded tired. "Nah man, that's not... she's... that would have been _super_ cheesy. I was just gonna tell her i had it too... I _understood_ what she was going through, that she wasn't completely alone."

"Turns out you didn't have to worry about her being alone. Cause now we've got the_ Jedi Killer_ in the galley." It was an attempt at a joke, this was a big problem with Poe, unable to take the right situations seriously.

"Ex."

"Right, right, _Ex_-Jedi Killer." Poe's head snapped around, "Wait, who's side are you on?" When Finn didn't answer, he continued anxiously.

"What do you uh... what do you feel from him?"

"Ren?"

Poe nodded.

"The thing is" Finn checked the hallway. "I'm really not sure... like... if i had never met the Supreme Leader Kylo Ren in person; and then met the guy in there I wouldn't know they were the same person. _That_ guy just _feels_ different. And when he's with Rey, especially now- they're... it's like... it's like they're more themselves when they're with each other than they are apart." His shoulders bounced nervously. "I don't know. It sounds crazy..."

These monologues were honestly something Poe found ridiculously attractive about him. You take a stormtrooper who literally was raised to abhor emotions, and somehow you got this guy who cares more deeply about _everything_ more than anyone else in the galaxy. Who then has the audacity to be embarrassed about it.

It was this brief intense bolt of fondness which pushed the pilot to mutter the next sentence before his brain caught up with the wisdom of such a statement.

"So what do you feel from... me?" He said it so quietly, an afterthought; more of a breath than a sentence. Finn didn't look up, kept his eyes on the view screen.

Finn hadn't heard it.

The pilot couldn't tell if he was more relieved or disappointed, he leaned over the console self-consciously.

Poe heard the chair squeak and Finn was grabbing him by the lapels and breathing into his face like he'd run a marathon. When he kissed him, it was way too hard, and not the right angle, and it nearly turned into a headbutt. The pain seemed to jar him from the surprise and Poe finally found his brain underneath all the shock; grabbing the sides of Finn's face, holding him still for just a moment.

"That." Finn said, clearing his throat his voice suddenly deeper. "Uh, that's what I feel from you."

Three chirps, a long buzz. "_Millennium Falcon_ is that you?" A familiar voice over the intercom.

"Are we being hailed?" They jumped apart, Rey had appeared from nowhere and seemingly hadn't noticed their faces inches apart.

"Uh... uh uh." Poe whirled to face the controls and started pushing buttons aimlessly. "_Yeah_. And you're not going to believe who found us."

* * *

Ben tried to ignore a lot of the things that were currently happening in this particular moment. Meditation wasn't enough.

Seconds after returning from the bridge she'd noticed him move with a slight stiffness. Arguing wasn't enough for her, so now, he was facedown, chest pressed against the fabric and metal, and as if things couldn't get worse- she'd demanded he remove his shirt so she could see and treat the laserburn wound from their time on Tatooine. He stared at the pattern in the fabric, wondering what could make this situation any more awkward.

"Well kid, i wasn't expecting to find you here" Lando Calrissian stood in the hatch opening and took in the scene before him. From his shirtless resurrected nephew to the Jedi Savior nearly straddling said nephew. He chuckled at their guilty surprised expressions and continued to climb the final steps into the _Falcon._ The two heard Chewie before they saw him, yelling from his place lower down on the entry ladder.

Rey squealed in delight and untangled herself from Ben Solo, rushing to hug the man who had barely stepped inside. Ben raised carefully, his skin still sensitive from the bacta. He stood and pulled his shirt on wincing, Poe and Finn came from somewhere.

He tilted his head at the Force which swept in with them. Something was very different. He looked to Rey to see if she noticed as well, but she was embracing the Wookie who had finally managed to enter. The stormtrooper- _Finn_, was staring, appraising, while Ben himself, stood awkwardly to one side and watched the little tribe reunite. They eyeballed each other with mutual curiosity, the Force prickling in the cabin. The wookie called out something and Finn was pushed forward into the mass of fur distracting both.

Lando passed the chattering group to stand before Han's son. Regarding him intently, forcing the taller man to maintain eye contact, "I didn't think i'd ever manage to see you again on this side of the Force, eh buddy?" He smiled, a smile that legends had been written about, and without further preamble embraced the boy tightly. "You look just like your parents, you know that? Chewie!" He called back over his shoulder. "Get a look at this kid,"

The room tensed as Chewie extricated himself from Finn's hug, and turned to look at the tall man who had been his friend, then his enemy, and now...

The Wookie padded forward, unreadable as usual. He wasn't as huge as Ben remembered, but equally as intimidating. He raised one massive paw and laid it on Ben's shoulder, they were nearly eye-to-eye.

The silence was broken by an ear-splitting shout from the Wookie, and Lando laughed raucously even as Chewie grabbed Ben and pulled him to his chest in an even tighter hug than Lando's.

"Couldn't have said it better myself." Lando roared and inserted himself into the embrace.

Over their conjoined shoulders Ben met Rey's eyes, And if anyone noticed the tears on both of their faces, they didn't comment.

_Thank you_

* * *

The Falcon was packed with crew; ringing with noise that hadn't been heard since Han had picked up two mysterious men on Tatooine all those years ago. Now with Lando and Chewie's ship docked with theirs as they meandered across the galaxy, things felt a bit less pressured and silent.

Ben had been told that he should take his father's cabin. Rey insisted, saying it wasn't her place, and that she preferred the triple bunk system of the extended crew quarters. After all the emotional drain of the afternoon spent listening to Lando explain what he'd been up to since Exogol, the former Sith wasn't sure he had the energy to argue with her. The galaxy was in a state of uproar since the destruction of the fleet as fear and hope tended to be two sides of the same coin.

Most planets were split into two groups, those that wanted to become completely autonomous with self-run governments, and those that were caught in a power vacuum of worse leadership than under the Empire. The death of General Leia on top of the First Order's destruction of Hosnian Prime- and with it Republic City- had not caused a great deal of trust in the Republic itself. Lando and Chewie had spent most of their time traveling from system to system requesting world leaders to consider taking part in the Summit of Peoples. Ben listened with a combination of curiosity and guilt, especially after being raised by a politician and then a tyrant.

Chatter from down the hall broke him from his reverie. The others had been in high spirits ever since the reveal of a case of "imported" Corellian Ale which Chewie and Lando had brought with them. The youngest Skywalker politely declined when offered a small glass and no one commented despite the fact that the entire group had tensed.

"I don't drink." He said quietly.

"Is that like a Sith thing?" Poe asked.

Ben paused, wincing at the question very slightly before raising his eyes to meet the pilot's, his countenance forcibly free of any emotions.

"No. The Order is far less restrictive about such behavior. It is a personal preference. Knowing my own weaknesses." He excused himself and stood, saying something to the affect of not being used to the standard time equilibrium onboard and slipped off toward the main cabin.

Finn punched Poe in the arm as soon as the small group heard the gentle whoosh of the door shutting. "_Kriff_ man, way to be subtle"

Poe shook his head, tipsy and flustered. "Listen, I was just curious-"

Rey ignored their continued bickering watching the empty hall for a long time before being drawn back into their goodnatured discussion. Lando watched her and smiled knowingly, catching her eye and offering her another drink.

* * *

Screams echoed, a cry of fear cutting into Rey's sleep as sure as any knife. She startled upright, only the Force itself preventing her from busting her head on the low bunk.

The internal 'freshers' beep broke the silence of sleep-breathing from Poe and Finn who slept seemingly unaffected by the noise. Her brain wobbled in the sudden consciousness as the effects of the ale still held despite her sleep. The Jedi forced herself to breathe deeply and calm the beating of her heart.

In and out. In and out.

The same cry of pain clamored its way into her ear; she grabbed her head in pain to no avail. The others seemed not notice, the noise had dwindled into a sobbing echo. It was not a physical sound, but a Force amplified pain.

She stood from her bunk, carefully trying to organize her still-swimming senses to find the source. The third time the wail began she was more prepared, Finn stirred slightly. His sensitivity was strong if he was picking up this without a modicum of training. She made a slurry mental note to check in with him in the morning. She should offer to teach him to meditate if nothing else.

Rey swayed into the common room, past the table still filled with their half-empty glasses and down the short hall toward the origin.

Han's cabin.

The sharpness of the cry had softened in the time of her walk, now it was a dull and constant ache. Tiny tremors of the scream from before occasionally flickered into her consciousness only serving to intensify the throb. She tapped very gently on the door.

"Ben?" She called softly aloud, closing her eyes and focusing on repeating his name into their open connection. "Are you alright?"

His side of the bond was gaping and raw. She could see it now in her mind's eye and it roared back at her. The jedi steeled herself, sensing how dangerous it was to step into another being's shadow, especially with the bond they shared.

But he'd come back to her when she was alone and lost, and though she did not exist to fix him, she knew that they were meant to face the darkness together. The wall of pain buckled at the slightest push; instantly she was assaulted with images and memories, sights and sounds. The interior of the _Falcon_ fell away and she was standing inside a maelstrom of sensation. Past and present conjoined and roiling. She felt sick, falling to the ground and fighting to keep control and not lose herself inside the deluge that was Ben Solo.

"_Ben?_" She yelled against the abyss, back on her feet and swaying slightly, regaining a slight hold on the physical she pressed both palms agains the solid door to his quarters. Her call echoed past the barrier of his mind; punching a hole through the monstrous storm. The physical door whooshed open, unbalanced she fell inward towards the black interior of his room; tripping over his absurdly long form curled in on itself and shivering on the floor.

Physical and mental collided with increasing intensity, she was struggling to maintain the balance and control between the two. Unbound his Force was an imploding star held within a mortal man; a warrior to be feared erupting a blind rage that threatened to suffocate her.

She knelt beside him, struggling to pull the much larger man upright and leaned back against her chest, cradling his head in her hands. Her heart clenched as he remembered the last time they were in a similar position, reversed. The memories flowing from her into him caused a reaction to the feral nature of his mind, he quieted at her touch.

The realization struck again that she was definitely still somewhat inebriated, complicating matters, now noticing how hard it was for her own emotions and thoughts to not flow back toward him unfiltered. She chose to focus on simple things, calming tasks that might orient him back to a place of consciousness. Rey stroked her fingers gently through his hair, struck by its softness. A warm feeling spread at the soft feeling of his body instinctively drawn toward hers. Ben turned his face inward, curling into her form, his long nose brushing her collarbones tickling the exposed skin.

"_Why are you here?_" He asked, his voice quiet within the loudness of his memories, it was the first time since she'd woken that she felt him as a unique presence in the pain. "_You are not safe here. Not with me._" She saw the memory of her hissing the word _murderer_, her own face contorted with detestation at his very presence echoing into a self-loathing.

Her master, Luke, had once told her that she held no secrets on her face; what she thought, she expressed. Now, experiencing this memory from his point of view, she felt, rather than saw what Ben had felt at her words. He had been so curious, so exposed. To her surprise he had found her beautiful, even covered with fury, perhaps even more so.

Rey willed him away from those memories, perhaps not ready for what they would reveal, or even if he would want her sifting through them like old holoscans. She gently guided his mind into the present, offering soothing images and words to him like she would a wild thing.

As the moments passed she relaxed into the heady sensation of sharing consciousness.

When their bond was new, it was detestable and horrifying. Through her training it became less loathsome and more comforting. Learning that the fearsome Kylo Ren was not bothered by her darkness, and she was so frustratingly confident in the Light he might still contain. Through the tumult of emotions leading up to Exogol neither could explain nor completely trust the bond they shared. Yet in those last moments of his life they had been one: one soul, one mind in the face of certain defeat.

Here though, in this cabin, she found it felt right to share everything with him. No bars or limits to their attachment, all things ebbing and flowing between them as waves between ocean and shore.

Her fingers stilled on the side of his face. Thumb gently tracing his cheekbones; circling the edge of his ear peeking out from under his hair.

_"You don't like your ears?_" She asked, observing and translating the series of images and feelings emerging; still teasing the delicate skin, his eyes still tightly shut against the onslaught of his demons. He didn't answer, but made no attempt to hide the faded memories of children's' teasing, long hair grown to keep them out of view as a young boy. So lonely, always searching.

Rey unbidden remembered the moment on Exogol, when she realized who had come for her; the no-name scavenger, granddaughter of the Galaxy's greatest foe standing alone to face evil incarnate.

He chose her.

Over vengeance and rage and power he'd chosen her. Knowing that it would be likely that neither would make it out alive.

The memory of it had kept her awake late into the night in those weeks after his death, the equally thrilling and devastating knowledge of what might have been. Her heart ached with the recollection of the moment he fell, infinite silence in a place where there had unfathomable joy.

Ben Solo followed her down the eerie non-sequitur of memories, and when they'd arrived at the echo of Exogol, physical tears jarred him from their Force-bound commune.

He remembered how to open his eyes and turning to look up at her, inches away. He wiped away her tears, not knowing how to comfort this spectacular being who had come willingly into his nightmare over and over again.

"Be with me" She said, brokenly through tears; Ben knew she could sense clearly what he felt for her, she understood the depth of it, the power of it, and still she asked him, unwavering.

Fear clouded his mind, and he drew back as though burnt, the familiar sounds and smells of the _Falcon_ coming back into focus. She watched, unhurt by his panic, somehow serene and understanding. But her words resonated unbroken.

_Be with me._

"They will not accept me." He said, when he found his voice, hoarse and despairing, he stood suddenly, trying to put distance between what he wanted and what he knew to be true. "I am a monster as you said-"

"-Let the past die." She intruded, forceful, certain. "Kill it if you must."

_Be with me._

"I can't-"

"Kylo Ren is dead." Without warning she followed him across the space he had created between them, backing him into the corner and grabbing hold of his chin forcing his eyes down to hers; fire and desire burned unexpectedly in them, he couldn't look away. "You don't have to be afraid to take your second chance." She got up on her tip-toes; kissing his cheek, hand on the side of his face. "But I want it to be your choice. This time, take my hand."

She swept away a moment later, honestly a little concerned about her self-control, especially with him being so close, calling over her shoulder. "Are you hungry?"


	6. In Which they arrive on Chandrila

When Finn stepped foot in the galley, Rey and Ben were already sitting across from each other in the small booth and food was being fried, by Chewie, with much banging of pots and pans.

He yawned and stretched. "We orbiting?" He asked to no one in particular, feeling the slight difference, his feet felt a little more springy when they weren't relying on artificial gravity.

"We took a little detour..." Rey began, continuing to explain, Finn however, was no longer listening: Poe had stumbled into the galley from one of the 'freshers and his hair was still damp. Finn's mouth went dry, the pilot seemed to feel his stare, turned and winked.

"...He wants to meet with their leadership to submit a formal invitation to the Summit. The General- Lando- seems to think that there are some Jedi artifacts, or at least some clues to their whereabouts hidden on this plane. Apparently, He and Luke were planning on searching them out, so he thinks I should see them." Rey furrowed her brow, watching the two men interact and knowing that not one person was listening to a word she was saying.

"_They aren't listening_" Ben murmured through the link without looking up from what he was reading.

Okay, maybe one person.

She smirked and ignored him, "Finn? Poe? Are you alright if we stop off here before we check out that mining colony?"

Both heads swiveled with nearly robotic synchronization. "Oh, uh yeah, sure." Poe winked again, before turning to tease the wookie chef about the seasoning.

Lando, poked his head around the corner and smiling at the scene. He cast his mind back to another time- but not that far back- to another group of people he loved in this same room. Emotion pricked at the corner of his eyes for not the first time since he'd joined them on this adventure. One of the last things he'd promised to do with Luke was to help him truly understand the Jedi Order, beyond just darkness and light and build it into something better. After the disappearance of Ben Solo and the reappearance of Kylo Ren, Luke considered this failure an indication that the Jedi Order should disappear like it was meant.

Now, watching the way the young Solo looked at the Last Jedi and the fact that the pilot and the Force Senstive stormtrooper were mooning after each other like lovestruck fools, things were about to get interesting.

He swept into the room with practiced gravitas, immediately all talk in the room went silent. Lando ignored Chewie's eyeroll and stole a couple slices of whatever meat he was cooking off the stove.

"Welcome, my friends, to Chandrila"

* * *

"So are we gonna talk about..." Poe cleared his throat a few times and messed with the zip on his coat. "You know, what happened?"

Finn's forehead wrinkled as he concentrated on pulling on his first boot. "I mean, i wasn't planning on telling anybody just yet"

"What?" The pilot changed his posture to lean casually in the doorway. "Oh... I mean, yeah, sure. It's none of their business right?"

Finn finally looked up and nodded distractedly. "Cause, I thought it was really Rey's call on all of this at the end of the day."

Poe lost his balance and tripped into the room. "I thought you said Rey wasn't..." All the levity he might have felt started to drain out. "I guess I was wrong."

Finn caught Poe's arm as he fell and righted him, "Nah man, If Rey trusts Solo then I think we should follow her lead and not report him to the New Republic. Like I told you the other night, I think she might actually be right about him being different." He smiled abruptly and leaned forward to catch the pilot's lips with his own. "Better get changed, I've never been on Chandrila before."

* * *

Rey took a deep breath of Chandrila and let her senses take over. As much as she was always surprised to find planets so dissimilar to Jakku, this one especially gave her chills. Even the green color of the rolling hills felt crisp and refreshing. A stiff breeze teased at her clothes causing her to turn and smile catching sight of Ben, who stood at the top of the gangplank, frozen and staring out with an expression she couldn't quite read.

"_Are you alright_?" She asked across the Force, signaling to Finn and the rest to go on ahead and into Hanna City where Lando had his connections. Ben was swathed, head-to-toe in dark robes, his scarf was pulled up and around the lower half of his face.

He had asked if there were any old battle helmets on the ship early that morning after she'd cooked up some sparse breakfast and sat cleaning and tuning the hilt of her Saber.

_"No helmets." She'd replied, still cleaning,_

_"Rey. Someone might recognize me. A disguise-"_

_"-Is different matter. Just no masks." Her gaze darting up to meet his, shyly. "I'd like to be able to see your eyes. "_

_He looked so startled, the barest hint of a smile playing around the edge of his lips, about to respond when Chewie stomped into the room and started poking around cabinets after grumbling a minor hello in sleepy Shyriiwook._

Her eyes crinkled at the memory mostly impressed by the sheer amount of swear words the wookie had managed to incorporate into his morning greeting. Ben felt her recall the moment, sighed, and took a stupidly small amount of strides to reach her on the bluff behind which the Falcon was landed.

The breeze smelled of rain and soft summer storms. The silvery spires of a city glistened under purpling clouds on the horizon.

He reached around her, suddenly close, his clothes brushed against her back as he pointed to a distant spot to the left of the city, "Do you see that patch of light nearly on the edge of the vista? That's the Silver Sea, the sunsets there are like no other place in this Galaxy. They hold races in the afternoons across the surface." He continued for a few moments, describing the craft used to race. Rey listened curiously to the way his voice spiked with emotion, a fondness evident.

"How do you know so much?" She asked smiling, catching him off guard, he nearly smiled back, her heart caught.

"Oh." He said, face inches from hers, the skin of his cheeks visible above the scarf flushed pink. "It's where I was born."

Those words echoed frantically inside her skull, she remembered. The dream which had haunted her since their battle before Snoke's Throne.

A harbinger of what could come; despite its repetitious nature Rey could only ever clearly recall the barest gist of it. Every time she woke, it become nothing but a fearful half-memory; A cloud over her mind waking mind, fading as the daytime hours passed.

_Rey stood inside a enormous cavern. A room which was vast and pristine, lit within by an ominous glow, pillars placed at regular intervals leading up to a massive throne at the center, floating between a two huge red banners._

_A shadowed figure reclined on the throne, a dark profile that she couldn't quite make out. She stepped cautiously toward it, drawn into the eerie magnetic pull of the shadowed dais. An Elite Guard stood at regular intervals along the walls, if they noticed her, they made no attempt to stop her approach._

_A shadow swept past, tall, broad and familiar. He moved quickly and silently, flanked by a band of individuals clad in Black Cloaks; they felt like creatures who were used to the hunt. She instinctively reached out to him in the Force, but all she sensed was the lingering cold of the Dark emanating from him. Rey thought about calling out to him, but her dream self could not summon the ability to speak._

_His face was still scarred and remote: maskless and ghostly in the light from the large glass window above the throne. However, his eyes glinted at the sight of whoever sat enthroned; jealousy prickled at the corner of her mind, she was eager to know who could evoke such a reaction._

_The silhouette on the throne leaned forward, into the cut of light._

_"Empress." Kylo Ren intoned. "I have come with news"_

_Her blood ran cold at the sight of the thin, pale, figure draped comfortably over the monstrous throne. An alabaster hand- her hand- darted forward and gestured for him to approach, and he did with an enthusiasm that bordered on hunger. Immediately falling to his knees at her feet and bowing his head._

_Her hand- the Empress' hand- slid forward to grab his chin and tilt his eyes to hers._

_"My most Loyal Knight." The Empress sighed, her voice rich and melodious. Rey watched Kylo Ren shiver at her touch, she was unable to look away as the Empress drew his mouth to hers and kissed him, deeply, sensually. He did not resist as she took leadership, wrapping no-longer tanned fingers into his midnight hair and yanking his head back to expose his throat._

_Rey watched his chest rise and fall, palms open and unafraid, Ren's eyes never left her face, they were fevered, adoring. His men made no move to stop her, either aware of her power or used to these interactions._

_The Empress smiled, a sharp and haunting expression, at once possessive and indulgent. "What news do you bring for me?" She purred, still keeping her grasp on his hair._

_"The Resistance, would like to offer Armistice, for talks of peace." His voice stuttered as her lips found a place on his neck, not gently, marking him. "They are offering the planet of Chandrila... and considering your terms of their surrender."_

_The Empress made a positive noise in her throat,_

_Kylo Ren looked up into his Empress' eyes, and Rey found herself looking back through them, her perspective no longer a casual observer but a participant in this dark dream. Straight away she felt the gilded draw of the Dark, the raw power of the Sith and the unfettered boundaries that her grandfather had promised. But nothing beckoned to her more profoundly than what she saw in Kylo Ren's eyes as he looked up at his Empress._

_Without warning the enthroned ruler released her tight grip of his hair, throwing him slightly off balance. He stood at her pause, towering over her, his lips ticking with emotion before he bowed once in the semblance of obeisance and kissed her again. Despite initiating the kiss, he did not control it, she did._

_She owned him, enthralled him, but it was not one-sided, he offered himself to her in every way._

_Rey heard herself- the Empress- say "And what do you think of those terms, my Emperor? Shall I gift you the planet where you were born?"_

Ben's eyes were wide when she returned to herself on Chandrila. Rey could still taste him on her tongue and by the way that his eyes darted to her lips, he too had a lingering sensation from her memory.

"You..." She stuttered out, "You saw it?"

He nodded jerkily, intensely aware of how he remained pressed against her, too close.

The Force shivered out into her mind, it felt heated, perfumed, "I've dreamed it many times." He said.

"With me on the throne?" She asked, frowning, confused. "You served the Empire-"

"I bowed to you." He corrected, "We served the Galaxy together, balance restored once more."

"With the power of the Dark Side." She countered. "Is that what would have happened if I would have turned? I dreamed-"  
"More than that. A vision." He cut in. "You saw one possibility of our future. Every time I slept I saw this... from the night we fought on Starkiller Base. It was an outcome which we could only achieve together. Even before i understood the Dyad."

Rey's face darkened at his explanation, disappointed, unsatisfied. "On the _Supremacy_, you asked for my hand... because it was your only way to power?"

He stepped away turning his gaze once again to the horizon. "I saw you on our throne every night. But like you, the memory was never clear when I woke. But the more we talked, shared within our bond, it was no longer power which I wanted, it was balance. Perhaps to finish something that my grandfather had failed…"

"But it was not what you wanted on Exogol?"

He turned, sadness in his expression. "No." He said finally. "It was not"

The echo of a memory, his curious voice

_I can't see your surroundings. Just you._

"And now?" She couldn't help it, not after the intense vision, the movement of his mouth on hers, the unadulterated desire they'd shared in her vision. Warmth flooded from top to toe. " What do you want now Ben Solo?"

His lips pressed into a thin line, she could feel conflict and something else.

"_Hey are you guys good?_" Their comms hissed with static, Ben flinched at the sudden noise, moment conveniently averted.

"Yes," Rey replied, already stepping away to attempt to get control of the emotions. "We were uh…" She made eye contact and shrugged. "Talking." She finished lamely.

"Oh…." A series of murmurs, possibly a Wookie yell.

"_Have you made it into the city?_" Ben mouthed, and she nodded swiftly and repeated the question into the microphone before they got too many ideas.

A quick burble of noise and then Poe's voice cut across. "The General headed to the Senate house, he said you two could catch up with us later once you've taken a look down at Junari Point… there's a couple of bars down that way where he has acquaintances that will know something about the Jedi artifacts. He seems to think Ky— Your— Ben will know the way there…"

Ben tapped the call button and gave a low affirmative, fussing with the scarf/face-mask.

_"The General also said you may want to take weapons… and enough credits to stay the night so as not to draw suspicion. We left a speeder for you in the closest settlement. So you should be able to take it out to the point."_

Ben was already stomping back toward the ship for what had been requested, eager to put space between the two of them, All while mentally berating himself for not being strong enough to keep his distance. For not being able to control his emotions and feelings.

For wanting.

He stalked into his Father's old ship, fists clenched, anger curling up inside of him. Without pausing to think he pressed a forgotten panel in the side of the hall revealing yet another smuggler's hole. It had been over 20 years since he'd set foot on this ship yet the _Falcon_ had no spot in which Ben had not hidden and adventured as a boy.

He yanked out a crate covered in dust, taking a moment to sift through the random items inside before pushing it aside in annoyance and reaching further into the hidden space.

* * *

Rey forced herself to sit and meditate.

As much as she wished to rush after him, to force him to admit the things she could feel swirling beneath his uncertainty, something in her knew that this wasn't the way. She realized that she hadn't truly taken time to meditate since she'd been on Tatooine and if anything would soothe her spirit, it would be time within the Force.

_"I see you found my prodigal son."_

Rey smiled before opening her eyes at the warm voice, heart overflowing.

Leia Organa Solo stood before her, her Force form glowing despite the stormy sky. Rey hadn't seen her since her arrival on Tatooine, and Luke had not appeared since Ach-To. She hadn't really had enough time to think, let alone wonder why her Force imbued mentors weren't checking in.

"Hello General." She replied softly, remaining in her meditation position on the bluff. "It's good to see you."

"_And you Rey."_ Leia turned to survey the idyllic sweeping hills of Chandrila with soft memories playing across her eyes. "How is he?"

Rey wasn't surprised by her directness. Even in the midst of battle the General was not one to mince words. "He's afraid I think, of what all of this means. Have you not seen him?"

Leia frowned slightly and shook her head. "Luke feels that Ben is afraid to use the Force, or unable to since his return so I haven't been able to reach him—"

"But he and I are able to—"

_"That is different. A Dyad is something that cannot be truly eliminated. We think it may be what contributed most heavily to his resurrection."_

"Oh." She replied, without really understanding. "How can I help him?"

Leia allowed the full force of her affection for the girl who never thought of herself first to flow outward, hoping it provided some solace to the young Jedi.

"_Be patient with him. My son is stubborn as his father. If he believes he must do something it is hard to dissuade him. But…"_ She continued, when she saw the exhaustion in Rey's face._ "He came with you, because you asked him. He also got his father's soft heart. Don't lose hope, he will come around."_

* * *

Rey found him still sitting half inside the hidden cubby, legs crossed under him; scarf laying on the floor where'd he'd dropped it, an ancient holocamera propped between his legs.

A puddle of light and memories played in the space in front of him. She stood quietly and observed a much younger Han Solo laughing and chasing a raven haired toddler down the same hallways they now stood in. Leia's giggles were obvious from behind the lens as she followed their antics, occasionally reprimanding them for playing too rough or being too wild. Of course they ignored her and young Ben's excited squeals were followed by peals of laughter.

When the last frame finally played and the old machine beeped itself off she waited in the semi-darkness. He was aware of her presence, their bond didn't allow many surprises.

He rose slowly to his feet, shocking her as always with the sheer largeness of his presence. Gently, he placed the holocamera back inside the crate and sealed the lid, tapping his fingers on it softly, thoughtfully, before sliding it back into the niche where he'd found it.

"Were you able to meditate?" He asked, turning with another, heavier box in his hands. He was covered in dust and a streak of dirt crossed his nose. "I felt your… I felt it." He stated unnecessarily.

She nodded, and gave him space to move past her toward the galley, absently, automatically, touching his arm as he passed. He noticed but refrained from commenting.

"I found some weapons." He said finally, removing a couple of smaller objects from the box, taking back the scarf she held in her hands. One was a long blade, made of a dark metal and curved slightly backward, so that when It was held it ran nearly parallel with the user's forearm. He handled it comfortably before hooking it into a leather strap he had also pulled from the box. Next were a series of knives with wicked serrated edges, those were quickly slotted into various hidden spots on his body. He turned and gestured for her to take a look as well.

"My father" He explained. "Had a habit of keeping mementos from his travels. He just made sure my mother didn't know where he stashed them."

Rey picked through, and lifted out something that looked like a shriveled up serpent. Ben seized the thing from her hand and threw it back inside, Rey would have sworn she heard a slight hiss before he closed the lid. When he turned back she was waiting with a spare cloth, the wrinkle between his eyes deepened as she wiped dirt from his face.

"I think I'll stick with my saber."


	7. In which there are Confessions

They'd found the Speeder with very little trouble. Apparently Lando had told the man who owned the depot to look for a "small and fearsome woman followed by a large and ominous shadow". The proprietor had taken one look at them and called out from the garage as they passed in the street. His words were unfamiliar; before she could respond in Common, Ben stepped forward and spoke in a similar sounding tone, his low voice carrying on the breeze.

The man looked surprised and said something which sounded somewhat complimentary. They chatted for several minutes before Ben nodded toward her and said something, after which the owner introduced himself in common.

Beez Tindus, local mechanic, repairmen extraordinaire, he had a wise, open face and an easy smile.

"I told your Husband here, that you two shouldn't head down to the point this close to nightfall" He seemed not to notice that Ben's ears turned red at his words. "Don't know if you heard, but the First Order disbanded a few months back and a lot of unsavory characters living in the city under The Order's protection have taken to hiding out there. It's not the kind of place where a young couple like you two should spend time. Though your man there looks like he would take on a bull Rancor before letting any harm come to you." He gave Ben a friendly thump on the back, chatting in a mix of Chandrilan and Common until they were packed, loaded, and fed. He waved them off and smiled, sending a calm blessing in Chandrilan as they headed out.

* * *

"Did you tell him we were married?" She asked after some time had passed and the movement of the Speeder started to become hypnotic.

Ben turned to look over his shoulder at her and shook his head. "Just that we were traveling to Junari together. I used the word… companion. Which I failed to remember having a deeper meaning in Chandrilan. It is not uncommon for the people in cities to marry for political alliances or other such reasons." He shifted restlessly, talking more to her than he would to any other in weeks. "Their word for companion is more of an old tradition, held to be archaic by most, it indicates… significance. Something much more than a chosen bond."

"Love?"

"Depending on context." He cleared his throat. "Yes. It was a slip of the tongue."

She could feel the discomfort even above the hum of the Speeder, smiled softly, and dropped the subject, tightening her arms around his waist as they glided across the grass toward Junari Point.

* * *

It took longer than she had thought to cross the distance, stopping only occasionally to stretch their legs in nearby towns and eat out of the rations Beez had insisted they take. It was an an easy rhythm, and by the time they arrived, night was rapidly falling.

As they came up over the rise Ben slowed the speeder, to thier surprise the town was packed with lively energy, the main street covered in lights and lanterns, visible even from a distance. He docked the vehicle some ways away, commenting that they should proceed on foot from here, but Rey was already eagerly walking across the shore toward the lights.

Ben stayed close, even amidst the crowd, and from the excited chatter, in a mix of Common and Chandrilan she gathered that it was a yearly festival which began sometime after sundown.

Ben, naturally, felt exposed by the many eyes and the lack of predictability in traffic patterns. Both Luke and Snoke had been master tacticians in their way and this situation from all angles felt like it could go south at any point. He was moving to recommend to Rey that they head toward the Public House that Lando recommended, but, when he saw her delight at the celebrations the words died in his throat. Instead he nervously ran his fingers down the edge of one of the blades tucked into his sleeves and pushed in closer.

For safety.

_"Did they have Festivals like this on Jakku?"_ A pantomime struck up in front of them, stopping their progress. She tilted her head back toward him, still watching the performance.

Their connection swelled, a surge of sensation. To his surprise she was fighting this particular wave of memories.

_Heat. Always heat. Sweat beading on the brow. A tall man, ugly with small eyes. Plutt. A greedy, odious smile._

_Another man, a town, this one offering a crimson coat, it smelled of spices which made her head hurt. Lights high above her head, fear deep in her belly as she followed the man deeper into the house. Noises, of pain, and something else. He reached back toward her, his smile turned lecherous. She was running from his touch, hiding in the dark._

_A distorted reflection in a muddy pool of water, her eyes, young and nearly hysterical, chopping at her long beautiful hair._

_Beautiful. Lovely girl. Better life._

_No more._

Fireworks exploded overhead, distracting, signaling the beginning of the party. He reached for her, instinct overriding fear, she flinched. But didn't pull away.

_"I knew that coming of age Ceremonies are very popular along the Rim."_ He said finally, before dropping his hand. _"I did not realize that Jakku's traditions were so barbaric."_

_"Only to the slaves."_ She lifted her eyes to the lights exploding in the sky. _"The pretty ones owned by Plutt were leased to pleasure houses during the racing season. It was your only chance to get out of the Lichen Fields until you paid off your debt."_

_"How did you manage to stay out of the…"_ He had never asked her about her life before the Resistance, and the Force, the Jedi, all of it. He wondered if anyone had truly taken an interest in Rey of Jakku. Of her life outside of the unchosen destiny as Last Jedi.

_"I didn't."_ She forced a smiled, one that didn't quite convince. _"So, I made sure I wasn't a pretty one anymore."_ Rey inhaled sharply and exhaled, pushing the bad memories away along with the breath. "I think we should find that Inn."

* * *

Finn was drunk. He'd been tipsy before on the ship but after waiting for hours outside the Hanna Senate house he had taken matters into his own hands.

Poe stood in the entrance to the bar, affectionately taking in the sight for a long moment before approaching his friend. "Hey, buddy—"

Finn waved his hand blearily. "General." He saluted dramatically swaying dangerously.

"Mmhmm, yep it is me, how many have you had there, General?" He motioned for the bartender. "Water please."

"One… or four…a couple" Finn shrugged and leaned his forehead on the bar with a sigh. "I don't remember."

Concern tugged at Poe's heart, he was narrowly resisting the desire to put his hand on his friend's hair. Finn had let his hair grow long since Exogol, the pilot had to admit though, he was a fan regardless.

"Did they not let Stormtroopers drink or something? What's going on with you? I've only been gone a couple hours, when I left you were fine." He heaved his friend up, and they both stumbled across to a quieter portion of the bar, one with seats that looked less damaging if you toppled.

"Course not." Finn mumbled, leaning sideways until his head rested on the pilot's shoulder. "I just didn't have anything _useful_ to do." He spat the word with unusual venom and sighed once more.

Poe pushed the glass of water toward Finn and stared at it pointedly until his inebriated friend began to drink, "No. Drink all of it. Talk to me, okay? What's got you down?"

"Nothing."

Childish. Great.

"Well I'm pretty sure that's not true, and I'm kinda good at reading people."

"That's the problem!" Finn slammed down his cup sloshing the small amount of water on both and drawing stares. Poe waved politely and apologized before returning to the somewhat infuriating conversation.

"What is?"

"You're _sooooo_ good at people."

Petty too. Even better.

"And why's that a problem dear?"

"Dear… DEAR" Finn groused, rolling word around like it tasted sour. "You just always know what to say to everyone… you can have _anyone_ you want in the palm of your hand… that's the _kriffing_ problem."

Drunk Finn was an interesting problem, on one hand: he was belligerent, frustrated and honestly, at least to Poe, adorable. On the other hand, whatever was at the root of everything happened to be bothering him to the point of this public display of emotion.

"Finn." The word was soft and kind, filled with fondness. "Why is that the problem?"

"I'm not Zorii Bliss. Okay?"

Poe pursed his lips and gave Finn an up-down glance. "I'm not the brightest sun in this System," He retorted. "But I think I know that much."

"I know you've been holo-messaging her since the battle."

"Yep, She's an old friend."

Finn narrowed his eyes. "And I'm your friend too." He let the statement hang in the air.

The normal murmur in the bar had returned, along with yet another glass of water from the attentive bartender. The words played across his mind, until Poe began to see the muddled path.

"Finn, hey, listen to me. Is this about… is this about us?"

Finn shrugged. "It's not important."

"Stop that." The pilot grabbed his hand and squeezed. "It is. You're just gonna have to be a bit more clear about what's going on, cause you know I'm bad with details, but I really _really_ want to understand."

Finn breathed for a moment, thoughts so potent they looked like they were nearly going to scroll across his eyeballs. "I've never… I've never done this before."

"Gotten drunk?" Poe laughed, "I mean I'm not surprised…"

"No. Like _this_" He pointed between the two of them. "Also not this drunk."

Poe Dameron took a deep breath, suddenly nervous. He never considered himself a good speaker, just let the emotions of the moment say what he'd want to hear.

"Finn, I-I know that you're not Zorii. And to be honest, I don't want you to be her, never have."

"So you don't mind that I'm a guy?"

Poe's mouth fell open, then shut, his face scrunched in confusion. "Do I— mind? Finn why would I—Do—Do _you_ mind?"

"The First Order did." Finn replied heavily, straightening unnaturally like he always did when that time of his life was mentioned. "Thoughts or actions like that were discouraged, or you were re-educated… forcibly."

"Oh."

"Then you were there. And you— you weren't afraid of them, or me— and you trusted me and gave me a name, a real name." Finn smiled, his voice nervous and rushed. "It was great, hard, but so _good_. Home. For a little bit we— me, you, Rey we were all that mattered— then we went to Kijimi…"

"_And_ then you found out I'm a Spice Runner?"

"No—man, do you think that would matter? I'm a former Trooper for kriff's sake— Dameron, we kissed after _after_ I knew that." Finn shook his head. "I was just sitting here and thinking…It just hit me that you had a lotta life before me. Life that you might want to get back to now that it's all over with…"

"_And_ I was talking to Zorii Bliss…"

Finn shrugged, "I just figured there was no reason why you'd want to try _this_ with me, when you literally could have anyone, and the more time we spend out here, the more I realize that I really have no real reason to stand out. Just a number. 2187."

Relief. Poe understood, he smiled, a real, genuine, Poe Dameron smile.

"I gave you my jacket." He said. "Your Force Sense didn't tingle and tell you what that meant?"

Finn leaned away. "Are _you_ drunk?"

"I don't want anyone else Finn." Poe sighed and shook his head. "Okay? That's it, so, take all the time you need, but no more stress drinking cause you think I'm not into you okay, you scared me worse than when we found out about the Starkiller. And Finn, Zorii has a girlfriend right now." Poe laughed a relieved laugh and stood, reaching out for Finn's hand. "Let's get out of here. There's a festival happening tonight."

* * *

As Rey watched the steam waft from under the 'fresher door of the attached bathroom she wondered how to make the best of this situation.

They should have figured, with the Festival ongoing, places for accommodation would be scarce. The Bar where they were told to meet Lando's contact was packed with revelers, any obvious sources would be lost in the throng.

"One room." The bartender told them, one eye on them, one on the drunken group leading yet another rousing group-sing of a local fishing ballad. "That's all we got."

Ben shifted, behind her. Someone had yelled something above the sound of singing causing all to respond with shouts and laughter.

"Then we'll go somewhere else…" She said.

"Good luck. You're gonna have the same problem anywhere you go tonight" The same tone, the same lack of disinterest. "You want the room or not?"

So, she lay in the one room, spread-eagle on top of the one bed and listened to the water splash the tiles. Of course, she'd insisted that he go first. They both needed a moment.

When they walked in, he'd taken one look at the single bed and visibly paled, a flicker of nervous images raced across their connection. Rey pushed into the room with false bravado, smiling over-brightly and dropping her travel bag on the floor next to the bed. Making inane comments about the clean-ness of the room, the niceness of the refresher room. Ben removed his scarf and made noncommittal noises in response to her chatter but his eyes never strayed far from the bed.

Now she was trying not to listen to his mental apprehension, while fighting her own rabbit-trail of emotions at the concept of sharing sleeping quarters. Mostly because she kept seeing his face looking up into hers on the throne. The way he felt when he kissed her…

No.

Rey blushed, threw her arm over her eyes and tried to meditate. Interrupted minutes later when the door banged open and out popped a half-clothed Ben Solo. He seemed as startled as she, eyes frantically searching for his bag, across the room.

Rey leaned off the edge of the bed, eager to hand him the bag and hopefully get this particular temptation out of her physical vicinity. Unfortunately, he was equally as intent on grabbing the bag, bowling her over in the process.

They ended up nearly on the floor, his knees on the floor and her held from falling headfirst into the floor by her shoulders, nose-to-nose, her hands on his chest.

"Are you alright?" Both asked, nearly in sync. Rey smiled, trying not to crumple as he helped her back on the bed and pulled his shirt over his huge shoulders. His hair was tucked behind his ears, still wet. He fiddled with his bag for a long time, Rey, took the brief moment of reprieve to watch.

_" You shouldn't stare."_

Her throat caught at his voice in her mind, when his eyes finally raised, the glimmer of a smile played around his eyes.

"I can sleep on the floor." He said aloud, folding the long cloak lengthwise.

* * *

She hadn't let him sleep on the floor, claiming stubbornly that the bed was big enough for the two of them to sleep comfortably. She had looked at him with such fierceness, unwilling to budge on such a simple thing that he gave in, as though he could ever truly deny her anything now. She'd firmly stated there would be no danger of her moving from her edge of the bed toward his.

Ben woke in the night, the normal grogginess of early morning swirling around his consciousness. Rey's arm draped across his chest, the top of her head tucked under his chin, her legs tangled between his.

The crowd was still singing on the streets, wishing each other fortune and enjoying the night of fun. A particularly loud firework caused Rey to murmur in her sleep, nose scrunching, hand coming up to tighten around his waist, sliding closer.

_"You shouldn't stare."_ She hummed into his mind, he didn't answer, and she cracked open one eye, caught, for the first time unembarrassed in the gentle light from the moons of Chandrila shining dimly through the window. _"You haven't had any nightmares tonight."_ She commented gently.

A wry feeling flickered across the Force, the same feeling from when he'd caught her staring. _"I knew you'd protect me."_

_"You forget that I've seen you fight. I've never seen someone so skilled with a blade."_ She scooted back to look up into his face, forgetting to be embarrassed or self-conscious about their closeness. _"Did you always want to be a Jedi?"_

He opened his eyes, _"My mother wanted me to be a diplomat, but it was decided that I would be sent to train with my Uncle."_

_"How old were you?"_

His eyes flitted closed to remember. _"Fifteen."_

_"Did you not want to be a Jedi Knight?"_

_"I wanted to become a pilot, like my father."_ The way his voice changed at the mention of Han, tight and filled with emotion. _"I was planning on joining the academy here when I turned 18. But I was deemed too dangerous to go untrained and was shipped off for the foreseeable future to become a warrior monk, instead I became a monster."_

Rey hesitated, wondering if this conversation was healthy, or harming to his psyche. Usually gaining facts from him was akin to pulling horns off a TaunTaun. But the man who lay in front of her now was not the one who held her prisoner on his ship. As each day passed he seemed to trust her more and more as though layers of Kylo Ren were being removed with every passing moment.

_" Your mother, she told me Snoke was with you since you were a child. Always waiting and whispering… there was no way anyone could have resisted completely."_

_"That does not take away from what I did. Forgiveness is only one part of Redemption."_

She touched a place on his shoulder, even through his shirt she could feel the deep ropey scar. _"He abused you."_

The flash of memories accompanying her statement confirmed her suspicion. Despite the fact that it only took him a moment or two to seal those thoughts back into his mind, the mere glimpses of his "Sith Training" left tears in her eyes.

Ben grabbed her hand and pulled it away. "He used his own methods to mold me. To take away any impediments I might have. Love makes the Sith weak. Instead he fed my anger, my rage with pain, until I no longer desired it."

"Ben." She whispered, feeling bold, reaching out to take hold of his face. "You were so alone for so long. And he tortured you inside and out for years. Yet you came back to the Light."

"For you." He replied quietly, pressing into her touch. "I could not let you face him alone."

"And this time?" She was talking about his resurrection, his reappearance in a life that he did not deserve. She was asking questions he had no answers to, and the only answers he did have frightened him.

He whispered it into her mind, saying it out loud made it too real. Too easily answerable. _"Why did you kiss me? On Exogol."_

She had wondered when it would come up, this was such an obvious side-step to her question and yet he'd asked.

_"I was fully prepared to die. After you fell, I knew it was the only chance we had. For peace, for all the people I loved to live on, it was almost… a relief to know that my life has purpose, even in sacrifice." She kept her fingers on his cheek, a Touchstone, for the memories she so rarely allowed herself to relive. "I felt you… like a warm grasp in the ice of winter, reaching out, surrounding me. When my eyes opened it was you, Ben." She opened her eyes, still unwilling to relinquish her hand on his face. "You were there with me, so filled with light …"_

"I'm here now, Rey" He placed his hand over hers, kissing the inside of her palm in a gesture so intimate and gentle, her heart thudded in her chest. "If you want it, you never have to be alone again."

He was asking for permission, for consent. Her little nervous nod was all he needed for the dam to break. He nipped at her mouth, at her neck. Eating up the small noises she made at his touch in her hair, down her back. Lack of experience on both their parts was briefly understood and communicated via the bond, but it was utterly overrun by the sudden outpouring of desire shared between them. Rey lay breathless as he grabbed her by the hips and pulled her tightly flush against him. She, rolled on top of him, straddling, panting as though she'd run a mile, she could feel his hardness between her legs and felt suddenly, intensely eager to have less clothes on.

He seemed to feel the same way, only pausing briefly before reaching up to help her remove the thin shirt she wore to bed, eyes wide and worshipful at every new inch of revealed skin. His fingers lingered at the edge of her sleeping tights, she was practically grinding herself against him and he felt the impatience sizzling along their connection.

_"Have you… have you done this before?"_ His question lingered for a moment, shy, yet crackling with emotion. She nodded, but his eyes held none of the reproach she expected at the admission.

"I haven't" He added, finally, a slight blush on his face.

She seized his face, her arching her back and leaning down to kiss him, her lips exploring his, sliding her tongue against his, needy and delicious in every touch. The boundaries for her feelings towards him only increasing at his honest admission.

" Then let me teach you."

* * *

Rey woke naked, delightfully sore and pleasantly satisfied. She opened her eyes to the even more pleasure inducing sight of a very naked Solo facedown in her bed. He curled toward her as always, as though his physical presence alone would keep her safe from all harm.

The young Jedi wondered if the low burning feeling in her heart would ever disappear even as other parts of her stirred at the memories of the night before. It had taken many lessons before she felt truly convinced that he had learned. Her face warmed remembering the way his body worshipped hers with very little convincing needed.

Mottled filtered through the cracks in the curtains, the streets now thankfully silent. The Innkeeper knew who they were looking for, and had promised to alert them as soon as they arrived.

She wondered how useful this person would be, why Lando was so insistent to send them this way alone, but, with Ben sleeping peacefully with one long arm draped across her stomach she couldn't say that she had any real complaints at the detour.

_"You're thinking very loudly."_ He said, eyes still closed, though a smile already forming on his lips. Rey was getting addicted to how often Ben Solo smiled.

_"It's been a long time."_ He replied to her mental note and slid his eyes open, they crinkled at the corner as soon as he caught a look at her sleep messy hair strewn around her head. _"You're beautiful."_ He stated simply, unable to keep such ridiculous platitudes from pouring out of his mind and into hers. Watching her blush like he couldn't get enough.

"You're delirious." She informed him, brushing the hair from his face, his smile deepened and the dimples she remembered reappeared. He looked like a prince from some tale she'd heard round campfires on Jakku. She pressed a gentle kiss to his cheekbone and stood, not moving to cover her naked form as she hunted for clean clothes. He watched her from the bed, absorbing the sight of rainy light streaming across her skin and her lively brown eyes glowing at his attention.

Perhaps, in this moment, he could let himself be happy. Perhaps this would be his atonement, to belong to her for the rest of their days. Looking at her, feeling the strength of the bond, he wondered if she knew.

A knock at the door, the telltale slip of paper being slid below the door. She was already clothed in her normal white Jedi Robes when he returned with the message in hand.

"Innkeeper says our informant will meet us tonight after the moonrises."

"Then it looks like we have time to explore until then."

* * *

They walked out past the boundaries of the town, through the shimmering rain and toward the Point for which Junari Point got its name. Very few townspeople noticed them, the petite female and the black-clad giant following closely behind, then again, very few townspeople seemed to be awake. Ben had said something about the rain and Rey had laughed back at him about being raised on a Desert planet. So he slipped the Speeder keys back into his pocket and strode after her.

Now, overlooking the massive body of water swept by the incoming storm,

_"Do you want to stay with me?"_ She was regarding him curiously, like you would a specimen, highly inquisitive and very obviously fascinated. These looks were common from a Jedi, half-listening; half-waiting. Ben knew the transient jitters of the Force, how it tended to resonate like a drug in the system especially early on. _"I've never asked, not since we stole you from Ach-To."_

_"Do you not want—"_

_"That isn't what I asked."_ She cut in, firmly, circumventing his wave of guilt with a gentle, but unyielding wall. _"I asked what you wanted."_

_"You ask that often."_ He noted, straightening the edge of his long black cloak.

"_And you never seem to answer."_ Again with that look, the listening, the rain sweeping her hair. She was enigmatic, and fascinating, and still so kind.

They had been similarly rain swept, during their duel on top of the dormant Death Star. He had seen the glimpse of her rage, of vengeance. But at his pain, she had let go, knelt beside him and healed the injury she had caused without ever once thinking of the consequences. It was perhaps that moment that had solidified his return, Ben's return.

_" Didn't last night—"_

_"Last night, was again, showing you what I want. But not the answer to my question."_ The barest sense of teasing annoyance, she wasn't letting go of this. Not this time.

_"I… this is where I want to be."_ He cleared his throat, switching to his own voice, sometimes their mental connection made him feel far too exposed. "I am just…" He paused, looking young, uncertain. He finally jerked the scarf down in frustration and sighed, gathering himself. "I don't understand how we could be still be connected in this way… how I would be allowed to be with you… I do not deserve this. I thought perhaps, that our bond would be my penance. To remain by your side and to feel… to love you." He stated firmly, dropping his head. "To love you… without ever being able to have you."

_Oh._

Ben wasn't sure how to express it. How to explain the draw he'd felt, even from before he'd met her. Even as a prisoner, she had been afraid, and angry, but still a tinny thread of kindness to him, her captor. As time went on, she had utterly eclipsed everything else. Last night had only confirmed that if he were to worship at any alter it would be her. She could be capricious and cruel to him as he deserved, yet he would never stop yearning for her.

She slid her hand into his and nodded. Understanding,

"Ben, I—"

The laserblast came from the trees, Rey felt it before she saw it, a whining line of fire in the Force. She slammed her palms into Ben's chest, driving him backwards with the Force, narrowly avoiding the beam screaming through the air where his head had been moments before. Instinct kicked in, a moment later, he was already crouched on the grass, scanning the trees, the dark blade already unsheathed.

There was a slight lip of cliff above the sheer drop into the body of water. Automatically, both backed off the ledge and onto separate pieces of rock face as three more shots whipped past overhead.

She caught his eye and he quirked an eyebrow. _"Are you alright?"_ He asked, and she nodded quickly in response.

_"How many?"_ Both were trying to listen to the sounds of calls or radio chatter over the storm. Lightning arced overhead, Rey took a sneak peak and saw at least ten shadows moving inside the covering brush and forest. Another crackle of lightning saw six more shots firing at her silhouette above the edge of the cliff.

She relayed the number to his terse nod.

"We know you're there!" A gravely voice called from the trees. "Jedi!" The word was spat. "If you come out now we'll spare the giant."

She could feel the low burn of anger in him, pulsing evenly, stoked up by the threat to her. Spiking down into his hands, curled around his weapon, this is how he felt in the forest of Starkiller base, on the Supremacy, during his final battle with Luke. It was enough to distract her from the current danger.

"There's a pretty bounty on your head" The voice was closer, taunting, their attackers were moving in toward the cliff. "Dead or alive".

If she closed her eyes she could see a hazy outline of their figures out across the Force. A shrinking semicircle. They were running out of time,

Ben was fighting to resist the primal urge to pull the energy of the Universe into his uncertain grip. From above, he recognized a few words shouted in Huttese, perhaps mercenaries. He wondered who sent them, if they were backed by the First Order. If, in another realm of possibility, he would have been the one who sent them. Grieved and vengeful at the knowledge that she had robbed him of his power.

Guilt and shame.

A brave head unfortunately popped out directly above him. Rey watched a single strong arm reach up, a flash of lightning, and then the man was screaming off the cliff into the ocean below.

_"Are you ready?"_ He growled down the bond, she nodded and they swept up and over the edge of the cliff.

* * *

The outer door thudded open instantly ruining any sleep Finn and Poe might have had. Rey stumbled through the open portal half-dragging, half-carrying a bloody Ben Solo. Poe frantically pulled on pants, joining Finn who was shirtless and already following Rey's terse instructions.

Lando had gotten them housing in an upper-class residential neighborhood, they all knew the danger of drawing attention to their giant companion and if Finn had learned one thing it's that Chandrilans were nosey.

No one commented on the fact that Finn and Poe were both nearly naked and stumbling out of the same bedroom into the foyer.

"We were ambushed at Junari Point." Rey said. She looked exhausted to the point of tears. She had spent most of the day and night getting Ben back to their speeders and trying to drive them to safety. "They knew I was Jedi."

"Mercs?" Finn responded grimly.

Poe knew before she said no what the answer would be. Mercs were never that informed. They saw a face, a warning label, a price on the head and they were off across the stars in their patchwork ships. Too many details weren't their strong suit.

Rey was kneeling over Ben's prone form, her hands were shaking so badly as she undid Ben's long black cloak.

Finn leaned back on his heels, forcing her to make eye contact. "Rey… why is he tied up?"

She shivered and put her hand over her eyes. "They had some sort of long-range soldier waiting with a syringe-gun, they shot it at me, but he, he took it for me…" Her voice cracked. "He went berserk…"

"Are they still following you?" Poe asked, reaching for the blaster that was noticeably absent along with pants.

She shook her head surely. "They're all dead. He killed them."

"How'd you manage to get him here?" Finn was eyeing the unconscious figure skeptically.

"I knocked him out with our Force bond."

Finn's eyebrows hit the top of his forehead. "You can do that?" He opened his mouth but Poe rested a gentle hand on his shoulder as if to say, _Focus._

"So the blood—" began Poe.

"—Isn't his." She replied, exhaustion beyond evident. "For the most part. Nothing serious is… they didn't get close enough to hurt him." Her eyes were wide, uncertain. "He fought like… he obliterated them." She caught herself, reached into her pocket and laid two syringes on the floor now filthy with dirt and blood. "I got these… before we—I'm sorry." She was breathing heavily now. "It's taking everything I have to keep him under. Now please… get Lando and Chewie. I must speak with them."

* * *

Lando Calrissian handed Rey another cup of water. She was sweating profusely and leaning bonelessly against the hall's nearby column.

He had been summoned from a nearby home where he had been "entertaining" and had immediately bid his adieu and returned to the opulent townhouse they'd been offered by the Senate. The sight of Rey, still dripping from the storm and smeared with blood, stopped him dead in the doorway. She had relayed the same information once more, her hand never moving from Ben Solo's skin. Lando had no doubt that she could continue keeping the much larger man under, but it was quite obviously taking a toll on her.

He motioned to Chewie and relayed a set of instructions to the Wookie who disappeared into Lando's suite and returned minutes later with two sets of parasteel cuffs.

Poe noticed, of course he did, and maturely refrained from mentioning the fact that Lando happened personally own, two sets of industrial level restraints and helped the Wookie maneuver the unconscious Solo into them. It was only after they confirmed that the restraints were secured on his hands and legs and the gag placed in his mouth that Rey relaxed enough to slowly remove her hand from his arm.

"How long do we have until he wakes?"

She shrugged at Finn, Ben's eyes had started frantically moving underneath his eyelids. His hands were flexing and slackening within the cages surrounding his hands and wrists, nose flaring wildly as his breathing increased.

"How did they know I was a Jedi? How did they know Ben and I would be at Junari Point? They had to be watching our movements, ever since we landed." She turned her eyes to Lando, seeking guidance and answers.

"First Order?" Poe suggested.

"They said something about killing Ben and keeping me. They were only after The Force User— Their words. I don't… I don't think it was them."

Finn kept his eyes on Solo the entire time, his Force energy felt different. Neither like Kylo Ren, nor the man who had slept on their ship this past week. It was darker, nearly choking in its intensity, it felt savage, bloodthirsty. The type of feeling one might get when you stare into the emptiness of space too long, causing a sudden desire to have something at your back.

Finn could tell that Rey felt it too, she was still discussing the attack with the others but her gaze had yet to move from Solo's. He could only imagine what she was going through.

"I think this may come from higher than we expected." Lando said finally, tiredly. "The original message I received was about intel on Chandrila. But my contact was explicit in the fact that Rey was the only one who was Force sensitive enough to discover it. I've had dealings with him for years, before, after, and during the Rebellions." He shrugged. "I had no reason to doubt that he wasn't telling me the truth."

"It isn't your fault Lando." Poe said, for all of them. "No one knows what to expect after Exogol. We need to figure out what's in those Syrin—"

Ben's eyes snapped open, he bared his teeth around the metal between his lips and breathed furiously through them, arms straining with effort as he tried to break the hand-restraints. He spent a second thrashing before Rey stood and without preamble straddled him. Ignoring the questioning glances she placed her hands on either side of his face and breathed deeply. The room went silent, the only sound being a muted growl from Ben's end and the deep breaths from the Jedi.

Finn felt Solo relax in response to Rey's touch, she nodded, and dropped her hands, Finn realized a second too late the trick, Solo's eyes shot open, blown wide with rage, a wave of Force exploded out from him.

A glass vase shattered in the hallway, all others were knocked into walls and onto floor. Rey braced herself, pushing the Force like a cushion before lunging back toward Ben who, despite his inability to move physically, was leaned forward and creating a barrier with his mind. The walls creaked under the pressure, Chewie was yelling for them to take cover in the adjacent rooms.

Inside her head the only sound was a constant furious roar. Not the familiar one, laced with fear that she felt nearly every time he slept and dreamed but a restless energy. He was still bound and twisted on the floor, she could see the veins in his arms standing out with the effort. The lights in the foyer sang with the brightness of his Force. She gathered herself, and with an explosion of energy, launched herself forward. If she didn't contain him soon he would shake the building apart.

Upon impact she had him by the face again, he was panting around the gag. Rey pushed herself into his consciousness.

_Fire. Everything was fire. The sound of violence echoed behind her. Ben stood before her, younger, hair shorter. He was screaming for someone to stop, but the shadowy figures contued. A light saber flashed blue._

_She ran towards him, her legs felt stiff and sludgy. She shouted his name and he turned, eyes widening with recognition._

_The scene tilted crazily and she slipped sideways and fell into darkness._

_Another scene, this one somehow older, Ben couldn't be much more than 15, standing in a long hall lined with alcoves. He looked bored, clad in Padawan Robes, hair cropped close to his head, a lightsaber hung by his side._

_His head tilted at the sound of a small whimper, the sound echoing across the tiled floors. A tiny figure peeked around the edge of a far-off alcove. A tiny girl, eyes red-rimmed and terrified. Young Ben checked the long passage for any sign of life before softly moving toward her._

_She looked up at him sternly, her hands rubbing her eyes, despite her tears, her sobs were nearly silent. Her hair had come loose from it's ties and lay in a dark halo around her head._

_" Are you lost?" Ben asked, unsure how to speak to a child of 5. She nodded solemnly, pointing to one of the Hearing rooms, but saying no words, another tear rolled out of her eyes._

_" Are your parents seeking council?"_

_She frowned, and he rephrased quickly. "Did your mom and dad go into one of the rooms?"_

_Another nod, she was messing with her hair, frown deepening and tears welling once again. He panicked, focusing slightly and causing the doll she clutched to wave at her with his Force._

_She giggled and crisis was averted._

_" I'm sure they'll be out soon." He said confidently, taking a seat next to her on the floor. "I'm waiting on my Master too. He's visiting… my mother."_

_Too busy. Always in Council or meetings. It had been years. He tucked the dark emotions back into the corner and turned to the little girl who was trying to tie her hair back up._

_" Hey, let me help you, okay?" He waited for her to nod, then she turned to ease his reach._

_She was tough, he knew he wasn't the best stylist and his hands were too large and clumsy for his size. But when he finished she gazed at her reflection in the glass windows, and a tiny smile appeared on her face. She reached up and touched the three buns._

_" It's how my mom did hers when I was little." He added, "I can show you. If you want?"_

_Luke Skywalker strode from the room his heart heavy, the sense of foreboding threatening to turn his mood. Ben was not where he'd left him in the hallway, a dark flash of annoyance. He stomped down the hall, turning the corner to find his young apprentice sitting shoulder to shoulder with a small girl._

_She'd apparently fallen asleep at some point and had reached her hand out to hold onto his. Ben was dozing himself, but his Master's Force presence quickly alerted him._

_The same door opened and a young couple darted out, making a beeline for the alcove where they stood. They stopped upon recognizing Luke, who inclined his head gently._

_" Darling," The woman said, kneeling to scoop the sleeping girl into her arms. "I'm sorry it took so long."_

_Her Father turned to Ben. "Thank you for keeping her company…?"_  
_"Ben." Luke cut in, stepping between them suddenly, guiding Ben Solo to stand behind him. "He is my Padawan."_

_The man and woman nodded, noticing his stance and taking a step back themselves. "Thank you Master Skywalker, for your direction, and for Senator Organa's."_

_Luke ignored Ben's curious glance and nodded curtly._

_" I am sorry we weren't able to give you more positive directives. You must be on your way. May the Force be with You."_

_The couple bowed deeply and turned, but a few steps later she stopped and turned, speaking gently to the drowsy toddler._

_" Rey, say goodbye to Ben."_


End file.
